kaeargoa

is he serious?

2007-03-04T13:03:00.000+05:30

you know what's funny? people think i actually like doing what i do. i haven't been threatened yet, but i've had to listen to a whole lot of comments from people who don't even do anything on campus.. and some from people who are involved, but that's allowed.
and for those people who are interested in my side of the story instead of being stuck up paos- certain people who are cribbing asked me for permission to say things at one of the meetings. certain people who have been asked to help out have flaked. certain people who... ah never mind... i didn't know what things would be like...
oh and i don't want to be there next year... i've had pretty much enough.
i know i deserve whatever i'm getting- i haven't been nice for most of the year. but how many of you actually want to know what i'm going through? how many of you know that i exist except when you want notes? i know who my real friends are even though they sometimes say hurtful things (never said i didn't). as for the insinutaion that i'm on a power trip: what power? i have no rights, only responsibilities.
go ahead and criticise me- because that's all you can do.
bises to some. and a whole bag of bullshit to the others.

is it true?

2007-03-02T19:03:00.000+05:30

there is a lot of frustration attached to the person i am- and a whole lot of expectations of other people that contribute to the frustration. for a while the person i was (and thus the expectations) depended on the people i was related to: whose sister i was, whose cousin, whose grand child...heredity was apparently more important than environment. of course my legendary sister still plays a huge role in governing what people expect from me. and i never know quite what to do with those expectations. shove them? where? the little ball of anger inside is going to implode if i put any more pressure on it.
do you know what amazes me even more than the fact that people won't let me be my own person? the fact that they don't appreciate me even when i am a doormat and then have the audacity to get annoyed with me when i do lose my cool.
what else? oh yes- i am a little hurt that certain people think i am not a good leader. as far as i know, i was one until last year. what makes a good leader? who judges? is a good leader one who delegates? someone who by virtue of being respected never bows down to anyone? never compromises? never tries to lessen the load on the rest of the team? i need answers!
oh and another thing- how the hell are you supposed to get answers when the voice inside your head (not your conscience, but the one that is you) doesn't answer you anymore?
honestly, i don't know why i care. i'm so tired. tired of college, tired of most of the people i know, tired of everything...but those of you who do know me and do care what happens to me- don't worry. it's not like i'd ever act on a suicidal impulse. i am neither courageous nor a coward.
one last observation: truth is a relative concept.

blah...hee hee hee!

2007-02-07T23:35:00.000+05:30

i don't wanna close my eyes, i don't wanna fall asleep cos i'll miss u babe n i don't wanna miss a thing...
oops do i need permission to quote aerosmith?
wow- have been such a hyperactive person today, its funny!
why is everyone starting to go out with someone now? the deadline draws nearer... so? it does for me too n u don't see me throwing myself at anyone or being all slutty. btw who defines sluttiness and what is the definition of sluttiness? ( Kari, darlin i just want someone else's perspective- am sure you n ttd were completely correct in your assessment of that situation)

xavrant

2007-01-30T22:45:00.000+05:30

today was a pretty good day, all things considered. just a couple of things pissed me off though:
1. why in the world do we have value education lectures? there is seriously no point in them. very few people actually attend them, and those who do attend are either going to be voluntarily powerless their whole lives or are those who know the difference between right and wrong already. what can you learn about values, ethics that your parents haven't already taught you?

2. is there such a thing as a 'cheap idea'? well in this context at least: i think shilpa shetty's winning big brother is a matter of pride for indians because it means that on some level we are beating white people at their own game. is my patriotism cheap? my racist attitude is (which i acknowledge- i don't hate all white folk though, just those who are racist themselves, like those fools on big brother).

3. i like being a girl sometimes. i hate it sometimes. does that make me feminist or not? i think men can be bastards sometimes- all of them, just like women can be bitches. does that mean i'm disloyal?

i think i should be allowed to define what i want to be, i think that if someone pisses me off or doesn't respect me enough to accept that i see things differently, i should be able to tell that person that i dislike their dismissal of my mind. i shouldn't have to worry about repercussions.
i dreamt the other night that i stood up for the rights of all my college mates... i hope for a day...

happy days are here again

2007-01-23T19:29:00.000+05:30

hmmm....i discovered today that i am too uptight. may be i'll get ulcers n die...ugh-morbid
today is good-today is good-today was good.
today the first 2 ppl i told i liked somone told me that he was LOOKING at me, in a more-than-friends kind of way.
its insane how just hearing that ca make a person happy. it could also be the sugar rush from all the glucose i consumed today...
hmmmm...
whatever!
sunday monday happy days...

numero deux

2007-01-14T17:31:00.000+05:30

ooh! two posts in one day! how cool is that?
i have realised that my blog is very egocentric. i'm sorry. i should talk about the shit the world is going through, not just the shit i'm going through (which is actua crap, and exists nowhere except in my mind).
naac is coming next month. they will be on campus from the 13th to the 15th. why? they will ruin valentine's day!

experiments in futility

2007-01-14T17:26:00.000+05:30

1. existence
2. having crushes
3. trying to assimilate every idea u have ever read or heard
4. having principles, standards that other people don't get

he he. so beside the fact that i feel like a hypocrite a failure and a disappointment, my life seems to be going rather well. how about yours?

man i can be such a depressing person!

NO! made up my mind t be better....will be better....will try to be better. or is that just anither experiment in futility?

happy new year!

2006-12-31T12:24:00.000+05:30

Happy new year everybody!
wanna be better this year- the spirit is willing...
yes, i realise its only the 31st of december and le jour de l'an isn't till tomorrow- so? i like to be ahead of the times. :P
take care of yourselves- i've learned it isn't being selfish. if u r happy with urself (and that includes physical appearance) i find that chances are u'll be better equipped to handle all the paos, poeys and mannas you encounter. (i love konkani! simple words like these can be soooo insulting!)
out of the mouth of babes, eh kari?
traffic is already crazy in my neck of the sandy grey woods. it always is at this time of year.
make a resolution- fight for goa. please don't be like all the pathetic, apathetic people who think everything is a joke. this land is ours and no one has the right to take it from us.
its more important than even plus points- and any xavierite knows how important that is!
that's all folks! ( for this year, at least)

Letter

2006-12-27T23:51:00.000+05:30

Dear You Know Who You Are,
I’ve had about enough. You think that whatever you are going through is so much more than the rest of us. Well here’s a news flash: you are a selfish bastard who can’t appreciate the sacrifices his loved ones are making for him.
I’m not saying my life is more difficult than yours, far from it! I know I have it easier and better in many respects- I was blessed with brains, for one. You are a complete and total idiot, though, for screwing yourself over repeatedly and fooling yourself into believing that you like it.
I wonder now, if I still love you. I know I’m supposed to, but its not like you are worthy. Its not like you reciprocate. Every time I try to get in touch with you, you aren’t there. Every time I do talk to you, it’s about something superficial and trivial. Why are you so afraid to let me in? I’ve never given you a reason to distrust me or to think that I’ve abused your trust. Do you not have faith in my judgment or reasoning any more?
I thought you’d learn something after the last big thing that happened to you. Apparently, you didn’t. You are still the same idiot who won’t confront his issues. How can they overwhelm you? You are such a big man, aren’t you? And yet you haven’t yet reached the lonely conclusion that I am slowly and painfully arriving at: you don’t need any one to validate you, except yourself.
Thanks to you, I can’t do many things I would love to try. As one of the older ones, I have to set you an example. Insane expectations!
I don’t know if you will ever read this. I don’t know if I will ever be able to sit you down and talk to you about it. You know what you are doing with your life; you are an informed person. I just really needed to get this off my chest.
I like someone. Did you know that? Would you have cared even if I had told you? I go through the same rubbish you do. I handle it differently, not necessarily better. But that doesn’t matter, does it? To you I am just who you think I am and you don’t really want to get to know who I think I am.
I’ve tried and tried and I can’t try anymore. I’m giving up on you. Don’t think you’ll notice, but I guess I should give you fair warning. I don’t think you deserve any more sympathy or understanding or loyalty. The tap’s run dry.
So long. We can go our separate ways. And for some strange reason, I will always love you.
Me.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-24T13:00:00.000+05:30

Merry christmas
Even though it is christmas eve, I hope some people from college fall down and break their bones.That's all I want for christmas this year;)

45 yrs

2006-12-19T23:28:00.000+05:30

http://myworldinverse.blogspot.com/2006/12/disillusioned.html
happy liberation day
how many of you turned up at the rally yesterday?
fight dammit!
ndtv did a report on how the 'sussegado' goans were finally waking up to the violations and illegal activities blah blah blah... do they seriously think we didn't know? and anyway- the Regional Plan is worth more than 20-odd minutes of airtime or whatever it's called. ndtv airs stuff on saving delhi and mumbai- well i think goa needs its own savegoa show.
hmph... margaret alva said something about how every transaction that takes place is corrupt in some way- does it have to be?
45 years, goans! 45 years! what have we achieved since then? dubious distictions in politics? sale of our invaluable land?
argh! powerlessness and disillusionment- now i know what the post ww 2 writers felt!

random rant

2006-12-17T18:15:00.000+05:30

i don't have anything in particular to rant about today...actually happy to be myself. i know i an say this safely: i had a good time today at the reunion, even though i didn't want to go for it in the first place. not my reunion, still in coll, remember?
hmmm this seems to be the post of random thoughts.
here's one: i don't know how they manage it, but guys are smart and stupid at the same time. the stuff you want them to get, the stuff u try to say very subtlely, they don't get, and the stuff u try not to day but that also gives off vibes, they get.
my comp must be male- it doesn't like me.
i think i would have been a very nice boy- had i been born one. but guess i would have been miserab;e then cause all the girls would see me as their bro.
oh yeah- it is highly unfair that the male female ratio in college is approx 1:2. that means every guy has to be shared by at least two girls. (of cousre this is only a hypothesis. i have no data to back it up)
and i don't think its fair thatpeople seem to give less of a crap tis year (abt plus points) than they did last year- especially since we came 4th last year! we still rock tho! ty s -watch out! we WILL kick ur ass(es)! heh heh! u know i love (some of) u! ;)

another one!

2006-12-13T21:30:00.000+05:30

if u are totally bekar take a dekko at my other blog, myworldinverse.blogspot.com

apathy

2006-12-13T20:37:00.000+05:30

feel so damn frustrated... why is it that every time you try to do something good people always end up criticising you?
i think i'm finally and unfortunately becoming like most goans: apathetic. i'm starting to give less of a crap. isn't that just wonderful? i'm so tired of almost all the people i have to deal with, i just want to run away.
is it wrong to not want to live anymore- to be indifferent to life?
one good thing happening in my poky little college: people are finally taking an interest in something. it isn't plus pts., its something far more important: the regional plan.
antestor and kari, u guys are doing a good job educating people. kudos to the 2 of you. if the xavierites get mobilised and actually do go for the morcha on the 18th, it will be because of your impassioned and tireless efforts. this week, you guys are my inspiration.
wake up and smell the exposed earth people!

regional plan

2006-12-12T22:51:00.000+05:30

amchem goem amkam zai! if babush gets the upper hand...ohmigod save our land!
just 2 of the slogans i shouted at a morcha last month. seems like all the xavierites on blogspot are posting stuff abt the regional plan...but doesn't seem like a lot of people actually give a damn.

well folks, here's your chance (yes, you o sussegado goan) to do something. get off your sorry fat asses/ nonexistent asses (a lot of goans have flat bums)! goans of goa- unite! you have your land- for now-, that thing you fight like misers for, dragging relatives to court, grabbing as much as you can...and yet you are willing to sell it for a blinkin song! i'm ashamed!
is it the heat that makes us so apathetic, so lethargic?

well since we are too lazy to think for ourselves, here's something to follow:-
read this and attend: The SAVE GOA campaign is organising a massive protest RALLY on Monday 18th Decemberat 3.00pm at Azad Maidan in Panjim to demand that the Goa Govt. immediately withdrawthe Regional Plan 2011 and to send a strong message to investors & shareholders not to support the various projects detrimental to the environment, social & cultural heritage and livelihood of the people of Goa.

people, i'm serious. i'm so serious, i'm not even going to say anything abt the stupidly depressing and exhilirating feeling i have right now- damn it! i did it again!

oh and for those of u who have no time but a lot of money- SAVE GOA wrist bands (costing Rs.10 /- each),stickers and leaflets are available for circulation.

( stuff in bold type copied and pasted from a GOACAN e-mail)

we may never get another chance. sounds dire, doesn't it? well, the situation is an extreme one, requiring extreme waking up! friends, goans and countrymen (and women) the time is now!

crushes? bah humbug!

2006-12-08T20:27:00.000+05:30

You know what I hate? I hate the possibility of liking someone. Actually having a crush on someone is bad enough, but a maybe is definitely worse. I can’t believe I actually told my dear guy friend that I might like this guy! Friend and I have been getting along quite well ever since I had a serious chat with him about him being a jackass to us (the group).
I hate liking people because I hate feeling vulnerable; I don’t know if this guy likes me back. I don’t know if I want to know. I know this is something I can suppress, but I don’t know if I want to.
I feel like this guy might be in my league; can’t honestly say that about any other guy I’ve liked.
Why is it that when you like someone and you know it should be kept a secret ( why should everyone know?) you can’t help telling people, even those you know have big mouths? its Day 2 and I've told about 7 people so far. SHEESH!
I feel so stupid: I’m telling all of cyberspace too!
Luckily, the Guy himself doesn’t know- and I think I’m going to keep it that way until…hell, till kingdom come!
And, yes, I know I was cribbing about not having a guy earlier- but I refuse to show interest when none is shown in me.

f*** it all

2006-11-26T20:37:00.000+05:30

this is going to sound so damn cliched- but i no longer know who i am or who i want to be. i've been pretty much a bitch to everyone i know for the past week or so-and all cause i felt so effin lonely! someone said to me last week that no one could possibly have anything bad to say about me. i beg to differ.
i don't get it: i'm not happy doing whatever it is i do, i love my friends and family but don't feel like i'm a part of my 'circle', i want to curl up in a hole, i want to be there when shit happens, i wnt a whole lot of crap that just isn't possible for me.
i can't cry because that would be a sign of weakness. who the hell am i supposed to tell about this shit? my life looks pretty good from the outside: i have a lot of stuff that goes towards making up the perfect life. here's the cliche: i feel so damn empty inside! maybe...maybe it's just a phase.
o f*** it all!

Problems galore

2006-11-14T23:40:00.000+05:30

My profile reads, “concerned about the environment” yet almost all my posts are about something else. Well, here’s something I give more than a usual damn about: the Regional Plan 2011. Sounds innocuous enough, doesn’t it? Don’t be fooled- it is far from it. I don’t know the exact details of the Plan, but I know that a lot of villages in both north and south Goa are being converted from green on the plan to red. Red denotes settlement area, so in reality, instead of green hills and pastures/ fields, we will soon have gray giants (which, rest assured, will be painted some hideous yellow or purple).
I am not against true development. I am not against urbanization. I am for sustainable development. Don’t most people come to Goa for the peace and quiet? God knows I love that aspect! Yes, I know we have a pulsating nightlife and yes, a lot of the tourists go to our clubs and discotheques and lounges but does that mean we should sacrifice our natural heritage for selfish gain?
I realize that I’m sermonizing yet again. I suspect I do not sound like most of my classmates nor do I sound like someone from my age group. Honestly, nobody gives a shit. I spoke to a couple of people about this Plan today (because one of the teachers brought it up), one said, “ The tourists don’t come only for the peace, they come for the clubs too.” The other said “As though anybody’s gonna listen to us.” To no. 1 I’d like to say, sure, but they don’t come only for the clubs either. Do you know how much revenue Goa could earn from Eco-tourism? To no. 2 I’d like to say: we live in a bleedin’ democracy! We CAN still make things happen. It’s a matter of losing the apathy and forging an alliance of citizens, presenting a united front.

And what about the shack license crap? Do we really need more shacks? Read something in the Navhind Times last week- you know, that little opinion poll- and everyone was convinced that more shacks would equal more tourists. Hullo! What’s the point in going to a beach if you can’t even walk on it, forget sitting down, sunbathing and building sandcastles?

And now, the less important news: my friend, with The Girlfriend, is officially a dumbass. He has always been a sweet, quiet fellow and almost everyone who knows him likes him. In my case, I think that’s about to change. The two of them were sitting with the rest of us today and he was either more quiet than usual or there was some telepathic connection between them, and she asked him “ What’s the matter? Are people boring you?” (People is the word you use to refer to someone whose name cannot be mentioned in public/ to refer to someone who is present and has done something only you and your secret –keeper know about.) I was humming ‘Leaving on a jet plane’ at this point, and felt rather insulted. Luckily (for him) I was called away just then. How dare he think any of us, his so-called friends, are boring! Does he deserve any better than utmost scorn? I am hurt- more so because he isn’t very interesting himself! And he has the nerve to think WE are uninteresting? Humph!

The least important piece of news, but something that is entertaining: the college office has been painted blue. It’s a sky-blue kind of shade. It’s only a problem if you don’t know about it: the shock might kill you. Pink and blue; we truly are a co-ed college!

forwards

2006-11-10T00:45:00.000+05:30

i hate forwards!
ok, that's a generalization- let me clarify-i hate most forwards!
some one sent me one the other day that went something like this:
once you start reading this don't stop otherwise you will have very bad luck. forward this to everyone on your list otherwise a dead 7 year old boy named tommy or tony with neither ears nor a nose will come and stab you in your sleep.
well guess what? i'm still alive! sheesh!
stupid ultimatums!

another dumb one was: please forward this because if you do, 2 more years will be added to your father's life. if you love your father, you will forward this.
now i love my dad as much as the next person, but that was just stupid! i believe we go when we have to go, and no forward can change that.

anyone else received any stupid things like that?

Time for a change?

2006-11-08T00:51:00.000+05:30

I abhor change. My greatest fear is of the unknown and obviously, with change, comes some measure of the unknown. Transition is not something I welcome. Which is why it is rather remarkable and unsettling that I want a change in my current status. I can’t talk to my real, 3D friends about this: I actually want a boyfriend. I mentioned it to one and she asked me why I had suddenly become so desperate. My best friend won’t understand, but then I myself don’t really. Another friend will be so happy because if I get a boyfriend soon, she wins the bet we have. So I burden you, my virtual pals, with my silliness.
I have never been a girl who needed a man/boy. I believe in being a strong (physically, emotionally and mentally), independent woman. I don’t want a guy to pick me up and drop me home. I don’t want a guy to rescue me. I’m not saying all relationships fall in the clingy-needy category. I just don’t want one that does. I just want…I don’t know…a companion. I don’t know if what I want exists somewhere out there. Most of the guys I know have these weird ideas of what a woman/girlfriend should be- submissive, dependent, dumb.
This is so strange to me. All I’ve ever wanted from guys before is respect and acknowledgement- credit. I never expected anything to happen with even the guys I have liked. Of course, I was too chicken to ask any of them out! I don’t know- maybe this is just –God forbid! - me wanting to conform to societal norms.
Let me just clarify this: I don’t like any one right now, so I didn’t have anyone in mind while typing this. As fond as I am (:P) of all the guys I know, I don’t like any of them that way. And as far as I know, the lack of like is mutual.I just…sigh…I’ve reached a point in my life where having a guy would be nice. Is that such a bad thing?

Oppression

2006-10-30T22:54:00.000+05:30

So books 30 and 31 were Princess by Jean P. Sasson and Resistance by Anita Shreve.
Both deal with some form of oppression (obviously! Why else would it be my topic this time?).
I don’t know how many of you have read Princess. I read its sequel Daughters of Arabia about a year ago. Both books are about the plight of women in Saudi Arabia. If these books are really based on fact, as the author claims, Saudi Arabia is really no better than Afghanistan was under the Taliban. It amazes me that I didn’t know much, actually anything about the lives of my Arab classmates in Dubai. Of course, the U. A. E. is a pretty tolerant place where girls can be educated in co-ed institutes and don’t have to wear the hijab and abbaya once they ‘become women’. It seems Saudi women can’t study abroad, can’t travel without a male relative (if they must travel alone they need ‘permission’ from the male head of the family) and cannot marry someone who is a non-believer (if the woman is Muslim. I don’t know if the same restrictions are imposed on other religions as well). And I crib about the sexism in Goa! Women are married off as soon as they hit puberty because they cannot control their sexual desires. Goodness! Are we really so licentious?

Resistance was about the Belgian Maquis i.e. resistance, in World War II. People were oppressed in their own country by the Germans. You were either a member of the underground resistance or a collabos (collaborator). I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your land, your crop, your livestock, your spouse, everything you love and have worked hard for wrested away from you.

We needn’t go far from home to find instances of oppression. I was reading a magazine today that stated the following:
Every hour, 2 Dalits are assaulted
2 Dalits are murdered
2 Dalit houses are burnt
3 Dalit women are molested.
While I have no way to verify these statements, I do know that the plight of the ‘Untouchables’ in our country is pretty damn dismal. People, HUMAN BEINGS are forced to consume excreta! How disgusting is that?
I was not a proponent of reservations until I read this ‘…you say there should be no special policy to help them [Dalits and Tribals]. It is like asking the blind, lame old and young to run in the same race.’ Maybe they need a leg-up. Maybe reservations would be the right thing. However, I don’t think reservations should be permanent. Maybe the policy of reservation should be revised in another, oh I don’t know, 40 years. Hopefully there will no longer be any Scheduled Castes by that time.
Can you believe we celebrate 60 years of Independence next year? The elders of midnight earned it with ‘ blood, sweat and tears’. Will we, grand- and great grand-children of those fine men and women deserve to be Independent? Oh Lord, I’m sermonizing! Forgive me, I’m just very, very concerned about the state of our State (and country).

animal noises

2006-10-27T00:38:00.000+05:30

this one is kind of inspired by my cat
how many animal sounds do we know?
cat-meow
dog - woof/ ruf
cow- mooooo
pig - oink
duck - quack
crow - caw
lil birdies like sparrows- cheep
cock (no double entendre)- cock-a-doodle-doo
any additions people?

ooh, learned a couple of new words today- 1.rapscallion. it means rascal.
2. costive. it means constipated.
now haven't i helpes make you smarter? ;)

Book 28

2006-10-25T20:13:00.000+05:30

Every year on my birthday, I set myself several goals. One is that I must finish reading a certain number of books. This year my target is 34. Yes, I know, that isn’t a very large number, but I knew I’d be busy so I didn’t aim too high.
Book no. 28 this year is ‘How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life’ by Kaavya Viswanathan. The synopsis goes “Opal Mehta wants to go to Harvard. And her parents will do anything to get her there!” Her parents have a seemingly foolproof plan for the purpose: HOWGIH aka How Opal Will Get Into Harvard. She goes for language classes, welding classes, does community work, gets straight As, does everything that can make her resume impressive. Ah, but she’s forgotten to be normal, and have fun. Luckily she has gone for an early admission interview, and the Dean of Admissions gives her some advice- he basically tells her to get a life. And so, the Mehtas come up with HOWGAL i.e. How Opal Will Get A Life. Her parents get involved, immersed actually, in current teenage pop-culture stuff. They buy her new clothes, her mum takes her for a makeover, and they even tell her to kiss a boy (!). It’s a little difficult, but Opal (and her parents) decides that like walking around in high heels and getting in with the ‘in-crowd’, it is necessary in order to get into Harvard. There are many ups, some depressing downs and many improbable happenings (like the Mehtas helping their daughter plan a house party- you know, one of those my-parents-are-away-so-lets-go-crazy things).
It ends happily enough, with Opal getting into Harvard (surprise!), getting the guy she likes-but-didn’t-start-out-liking, and just being so happy it’s almost unbelievable.
It was a funny book. I actually laughed out loud a couple of times! It’s a mix of Never Been Kissed, Mean Girls and a Sweet Valley book. Very teenybopper, very American. It’s interesting that she doesn’t really project her family as Indian Indians except for the one stereotyped aunty who wants to get her married off. The Mehtas seem quite open and accepting- rather Goan, actually.
There are a few truths in the novel like 1) girls have to choose between being smart and being pretty because it takes too much time to be pretty 2) you never get the guy you want and 3) however clichéd it might sound, always be yourself.
Sorry I revealed the plot, those of you who are interested in the book. My personal recommendation? Read it only if you want a laugh.

literature

2006-10-22T17:10:00.000+05:30

ho hum...
have finished with my exams at last.literature was the last paper.
thought i would try posting everyday- but first i must catch up on my sleep!
you know what i don't understand? why people don't like literature. i mean, you can learn soooo much, and there are lines in some poems that just send shivers down your spine, like these lines from rudyard kipling's if:
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

granted mr. kipling was an imperialist and a chauvinist, but i think he should get his due credit for such inspiring lines.
there's nothing in the world quite like poetry. sure, it can be convoluted and absurd and fantastic- but isn't life just like that?
literature is the most beautiful thing in the world. but i'd much rather appreciate it then analyse it!
bte, can anyone tell me what literati means?

should i even bother trying?

2006-10-12T23:32:00.000+05:30

ahhhhhhhhh!
i cannot believe that my friend's annoying girlfriend has become a muse to me!
she actually inspires me to write verse (however bad or jaded it is)
i so badly want to like her again. i did once upon a time...before she started hanging out with us... before she started asking me incessantly "does he know i like him? does he like me too?"

check this out:
slowly the bike came to a halt in front of me.
slowly she slid her hand into place just above his knee.
slowly she smiled, her countenance filled with a quiet glee
possession declared, flag placed, all so subtlely!
this happened today-i can't believe she had to prove her point that way!
i mean-he's my FRIEND for goodness' sake! sheesh!

i also wrote this today after that 'incident':
how shall i prove i love him? how shall i prove he's mine?
i shall put my hook hands on him, to be dislodged only by time.
i will lean into his body, i will smile upto his face,
i will look down on his friends, whom i have displaced.
and this party won't get over, my guy he'll always be
and i defy all women to try and take him away from me!

obviously, these are supposed to be her thoughts. just clarifying!

9 hrs 36 minutes

2006-10-08T17:07:00.000+05:30

that is the amount of time i get to spend with my dad for 48 weeks out of 52 in the year.
9 hrs and 36mins
my parents aren't separated. or divorced.
this is just the way we live. my family and so many others in goa.
i have to condense a week's happenings into 12 minutes of phone time.
i swear, if i ever have kids, i will be with them. at least in the same country as they.
my parents had to make the choice they did, circumstances forced them to.
but i refuse to let that happen to me.
i have no idea how i'm going to ensure that-but i will!

2006-10-04T23:19:00.000+05:30

i hate exams
i hate hypocrites
i hate people who are sweet to you, then bitch about you when you aren't around
i hate having to be the one to contact people. i hate that they never get back to me.
i hate this list cause i look like some pathetic victim of i don't know what!
well, at least its a little bit of comic relief (how pathetic my life can get-it is a little funny)
when the going gets tough...the tough get going...and start studying

i tried so hard...

2006-09-22T22:35:00.000+05:30

i honestly tried so hard- i used to like this girl as a person. but i didn't know her so well then. man, she is such a pest. i wrote this poem when she first started to annoy me, but then decided she deserved another chance. after all, everyone is entitled to a second chance. so she got a second. and a third. and a fourth. but now she has proved so completely irresponsible, i am compelled to post this.

My friend’s annoying girlfriend

You wouldn’t think it to look at her
Or perhaps you might,
Mosquito’s what some call her
And they might be right.

Distracting and annoying
From some other world
She doesn’t seem to fit in
In our little fold.

I wouldn’t say she’s emotional
Though it’s easy to make her cry-
She finds insults in the trivial
And is besotted with her guy.

She tries to prove she’s better
And busier than us.
Well, honey, your ego
Is nothing but a cloud of dust.

The ones who complain the loudest
Haven’t done the work.
They think this gives them the right
To mumble and to smirk.

But still we tolerate her
We try to not be rude.
I do it as a sister-
I do it for you,(humph) dude.

and to those who know who it is: don't spoil the fun by posting names please!

politically correct?

2006-09-13T00:05:00.000+05:30

what does the phrase politically correct mean?
i know that instead of saying spastic or retard we now say differently abled or special and these phrases/ words are considered politically correct.
but who invented political correctness?
is it just for politicians? they obviously can't (shouldn't) insult their voters or potential voters, so does it apply only to them? can't they just call it diplomacy? because that is what it is.

new findings

2006-09-10T20:30:00.000+05:30

get this: today's GT says that a study conducted in the US proves that men are smarter than women.
i quote "A study of 100,000 17-to 18- year -olds on the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) published in the September 2006 issue of the journal Intelligence, has confirmed a surprising new finding that men have a 4 to 5-point IQ advantage over women by adulthood."
surprising indeed!
if guys are so smart, why don't they show it instead of always acting like imbeciles?and if guys are smarter, how come girls always do better in school than guys? take me for example...(hee hee) is it because guys don't appluy themselves, being too lazy to do a little hard work?
hmph, i don't care what the study says: i know what i know. girls in this neck of the woods are smarter than guys simply because they have to be in order to be taken seriously. and recognising that you have to slog a little is proof that you have a brain and use it.

effects of responsibility

2006-09-06T22:49:00.000+05:30

aaaaaaahhhhh!
am going crazy!
here is the official declaration- i have taken on too much and i am worried i am going to have :
a) a nervous breakdown
b) worse skin than before
c) dandruff
d) a tough time when my exams finally do come around
e) a nervous breakdown
f) a less successful life than earlier imagined, because of loss of basic ability to feel happy and at peace
g) a bitter and unfulfilled life
h) a nervous breakdown
i sincerely hope this is just some late adolescent phase.
they tell you growing up is tough, but no one ever says being a grown up is tough. why is that?
another unanswerable question. sigh.

2006-09-03T21:33:00.000+05:30

ay caramba!
today, supposed day of rest, i taught a friend french and went for mass.
my godfather came over and took my stupid Kinetic back to his house. the dumb thing(bike) is 10 years old. i named it Kristine. i don't know how it's possible but that stupid thing does not like me. i am fully aware that Kristine is an inanimate object but i've fallen down with her at least thrice (luckily i didn't hurt myself, but she got a couple of dents) and a couple of weeks ago when i tried kick-starting her, she backfired. but when my godfather started her today, she was fine.
stupid bike! my mum might get me a lighter bike now- a scooty or something. i don't care what bike it is- i just want (and desperately need) one.
wish i had the car but then would have to take a whole lot of annoying folk in it- or risk being called a bitch.
strange world- you can't stand up for yourself without people thinking you are horrible.
whatever!
learned about wasps today- there were a couple of nests (hives?) on kristine. godpa broke them off and there were pupae inside- squashy-looking, cream, oily creatures. quite fascinating.
despite everything, i love goa because this crazy little state offers you so many opportunities to discover the natural world. where else would you find those velvety red creatures after the first rain? not in good ol' dubai, where i spent the first 8 years of my life.
dear little lump of clay, as dirty as you can be
you are my g-o-a, and i love you dearly
ya i know that's sappy, but it was spontaneous! so can't help the sappiness

sexism

2006-08-31T23:38:00.000+05:30

the saddest thing about goa is the sexist attitude of most people. i know we have equal rights and everything, and that women and men have had equal rights to property since portuguese times. and a lot of goan women are actually doing something with their lives-like my mum. but for some reasonpeople still think having a son is the greatest thing since sliced bread. i often get asked this question (i'm the younger of two daughters): you don't have a brother?
like i need one! one old lady actually asked me why i wasn't born a boy! sheesh!
except for the fact that i don't produce sperm, i'm every bit as good as a boy! i work harder and i'm pretty sure i have bigger muscles than some of my guy friends- that's because they don't get off their lazy butts to do anything physical (except get in fights). no offence to all the guys out there. i love all the men/boys in my life but ugh!
i know i'm a feminist or at least i project myself as one, but i really just want people to accept each other, regardless of sex.
is that really too much to ask?

freedom

2006-08-29T23:50:00.000+05:30

some day i will leave this place.
do all young yearn to get away?
leave behind the status of pupae
burst out of the cocoon-fly away?

its not growing up that i desire
i'd rather be the phoenix out of the fire
renewed, refreshed, but underneath
just me, just the same old me.

the links of youth tie you down
no matter how old you may have grown.
maybe a nomad's life should be mine
no authority save my own mind.

is true freedom recognition of none
as supreme except the sun?
and can one truly cut off all ties
before one dies, before one dies?

by me

sunday blues?

2006-08-20T20:45:00.000+05:30

ahhh....yet another sunday!
alleluia!
not so rainy today- quite a pity.
was my mum's birthday yesterday so slept late and woke later:)
am disappointed that i didn't get to watch the man utd. vs. fulham game today- would've loved to see cristiano ronaldo score.
since no one in all of cyber space is reading my posts-and the sad thing is, this blog was supposed to make me feel less alone, more like there were people like me in the world- i have asked my dad to check it out. hope he gets the time to. that's the sad thing about being here- my dad doesn't really know what's going on in my life.
my mum, sister and i are in india nad my dad works in the gulf.
i know there are a lot of families like mine. that doesn't mean its ok. the separation sucks and we all choke back tears everytime my dad leaves after a holiday.
i guess that's life.

help me out

2006-08-13T12:57:00.000+05:30

help me out here:
want to know why women like guys in uniform. do guys like girls in uniform?
why are athletes hotter than the less active dudes?
why do people persist in littering the place even when there is a garbage bin close by?
is art really about perspective or is some of it just plain BAD?
what is the point in war? it used to be about territorial expansion, now what is the excuse?
why am i bothering to type this out when no one even realises i exist? (ok, that's hyperbole, but still -itdoesn't look like anyone is actually reading the stuff i do bother to post.)
if any one does see this, and has answers or other such unanswerable questions, let me know.

sports in goa

2006-08-02T20:51:00.000+05:30

some one named manisha malhotra said on the news today that india does not have a sports culture.
i totally agree! i really wish i'd taken a greater interest in sports when i was younger. who knows, i might've been the female version of cristiano ronaldo. (man, he is so hot!)
played in an inter-class football match today- i SUCKED! i didn't know what to do with myself. and it's not like i am peter crouch's height or anything, i'm not all limb. i stood on the ground like a lost puppy, waiting for instructions.
what if it is too late to actually do any thing sporty with my life?
and if there is someone out there who reads this-can you tell me why you never see women in the tour de france? women have stamina too!
goa is all about football, and women's sports don't really seem to get much encouragement. i hope my daughters, if i ever have any, will not face the same situation as me.

hi

2006-07-30T20:55:00.000+05:30

hi, i'm from a little corner of the world called goa. it's a pretty place that is being plagued by a lot of problems right now-from an increase in crime to pollution to corruption, nepotism and a blatant misuse of power.
i guess it isn't that different from the rest of the world.
am i being idealistic when i think the world and its people are better than is generally assumed?
i don't know-but i hope there is someone out there who can tell me.